8 Days Later- Fried Chicken is not an Emergency

If you decide to fast, there are a few important things that all experts advise.  Overwhelmingly, everyone emphasizes the importance of breaking your fast slowly, with small bits of fruits, progessing to more complex but still easy to digest fruits and veggies, perhaps moving to broths and cooked greens, taking days and days to move on to heavy proteins and fats.  This is a blog about what happens when you ignore all of that sound advice.

What you should not do:

You should not have a quiche on your first mornig of solid food.  You should have a bunch of oranges and apples or something, maybe some cucumbers, perhaps more avocado.   You should not eat fish and chips as your second meal either.  OK?  Do you hear me?  Deep fried foods and fat/protein rich foods are a BAD IDEA as your first and second meals after not eating for 21 days.  I know this and I did it anyway.  For those who know me, it's probably no shock that I broke the rules.  However, ususally when I break rules it works FOR me. This time, it worked against me.  I like to call this a 'teachable moment' because I am definatly learning a lesson.

Clearly, I thought I was immune to repercussions of trying to kick start your digestive system with a heavy dose of bacon and eggs, which I had on the second morning of solid food.  I'd like to add that I included spinach and tomato in that breakfast, and a grapefruit because grapefruits are still in season and still fucking awesome and you should still be eating them.  And I had a bagel too because bagels- yah.  So it wasn't JUST fatty foods, but mostly that's what it was.

No matter how much it seems like an emergency,  you should not have friend chicken on your 3rd day of solid food no matter what you've done before.  I don't care how many friends offer to take you out for the best fried chicken in the city, You can wait.  Fried Chicken will always be there for you, even if you wait like a whole week for it.  If you eat it too soon be prepared to carry it will you for a long time, months possibly, because you won't shit it out.  I'm serious.  It will begin to rot inside of you,  it will begin to break down, and suddenly you'll try to avoid places with candles burning becasue you're afraid the constant stream of gas escaping out of your ass will light on fire, sort of like what you see at the city dump.  Like a pilot light just burning slowly at tops of the pipes that stick out above the surface of the shit pile.  Yah, I just compared my ass to the city dump.  I mean it when I say DO NOT RUSH THE SWITCH FROM JUCE TO SOLIDS!  There are reasons people say that and those reason are valid, I've confirmed it everyone, it's true, put it on SNOPES, alert Mythbusters, it's legit. No Really.  

Enough about what I ate. We need to start talking about how I am shitting, because that's the big question here right?  I mean, that's why you read this blog anyway I'm guessing.  You want to know everything's going (through) now that the fast is done?

Things aren't going (through) very well at all.  I fouled up on the re-entry.  I returned to heavy eating habits very early on and my digestive seems to have developed a bad stuttering problem.  It clearly doesn't know what the fuck is going on.  It doesn't know what to do, it's just disappointing me to no end. What happened to the whole "trust your body to take care of itself?"  That is apparently a big fat lie and you can't trust your body because it can be a sensitive, grumpy and uncooperative.  I am accustomed to exiting a fast feeling like my body is working way better than optimally. Right now, I feel like a there's a stubborn old man sitting inside my colon, like a stinky southern gransdpa perched on the porch of my gut holding a shot gun, refusing to leave and refusing to let anyone out.  Every now and then, someone slips by, but mostly he's holding things up.  Yah, I know.  Time for another coffee enema.  So I did that.  It didn't change much.  Now, I'm just kind of waiting and hoping things will improve.  Today, I bought some digestive enzymes and all of the probiotics in the store hoping that if I restore the order of the good bacteria in my body, and pour some extra enzymes in there, things will start churning a little better, and maybe I'll get something out of all this.  (amusing myself endlessly)

Other possibly inteteresting notes:

The tennis elbow that I developed while juicing returned. Another reason to stress good form while juicing- injuries are hard to heal.  This past weekend was my second week of yoga teacher training, and I wanted to be in optimal condition to practice with my class- one reason why I quit my fast early.  I felt great except for my elbow, and I had to sit out much of the physical practicing.  That SUCKED ASS, but was a good experience for me to have, I suppose, I mean what else can I make of the whole situation?  I hate being left out, I hate feeling weak, I hate not being on the awesome list, so for me to sit back and suck it up presented some good struggles for me to go through.

My energy level is great and I feel good. My head is less scattered and I've gained some good insite into myself that I can apply as I move forward with this crazy life.  I guess those insights are the take aways. Perhaps I'll make a take away post so that ya'll have a sense of what exactly it is that a crazy mo fo can actually get out of a fast- I don't feel like I've been really clear about that.

My weight has already begun to bounce back. I'm weighing in around 107 pretty regularly.  So that's a nice healthy weight for me, still on the low end but not dangerously so.  I'm going to stop weighing myself now because I'd really rather use how I feel as a measurment of my health and well being.  That's how I've pretty much always done it and it works for me.  I think scales can lead people to play strange games with themselves, if you own a scale you know what I'm talking about don't you?

So there you have it:  What happens when you do everything right during your fast and everything wrong when you break it.