day 13 Coffee is the Shit

Today I woke up feeling exceptionally bright after getting a long 10 hours of sleep, typically too much for me but I suppose the cleanse has created a need for rest.  I slept  soundly the whole time which is rare for me.  I've been an insomniac my whole life and I'm used to waking several times through the night when I do fall asleep.

I woke up and made coffee, something I haven't done in a couple of weeks.  After making but not drinking the coffee, I drank water, washed my face, scrubbed the teeth, used my neti pot and then dove into a nice and energetic yoga practice complete with chanting.  As I practiced the coffee cooled down to room temperature, perfect for a coffee enema.  If you're a coffee lover you'll delight in knowing that coffee isn't only for mouths, you can put it in your butt too.  Yah, I know, pretty awesome.

IMPORTANT NOTE:  I'm no expert on enemas, I barely know anything.  If this is something you want to do for yourself, use my blog as inspriation but do your own research and consult those who think they are experts. There are all sorts of resources avaialble both in print and online, with lots of information that I don't include here.

In preparation, I read several instructionals on coffee enemas, because I've never done one before and it seemed like I should read about how to do it correctly.  Bascially, you make coffee, a quart or so,  let it cool, and then put it in the enema bag.  You need to suspend the bag atleast two feet off the ground, but no too high because you don't want too much pressure- whoa. You prepare the floor with towels and a pillow to be comfy, because this thing takes a little time and floors are hard and cold.  And plus, if you don't make it to the toilet when that rush of "omg now!" happens, you've got a towel already there to catch the unfortunate mess.  Find a timer and put it in the bathroom, and if you're really easy going about it, bring a book.

My bathroom with towls and a book and an enema

Grab the lube of your choice, get on the floor and take off your panties. Lie on your right side, it helps the flow of liquids follow the path of your large intestine.  Carefully lube up the enema attachment, and lube up your bung hole too, just for fun.  If your one of those people who get sexually excited from enemas, I envy you.  I haven't felt that way about them, but I'm open to it.

Once you are in the proper position on the floor, grab the hose and insert the small tube into your lone star.  You want to allow about 2 cups of coffee to enter your body.  I guess it's important to make sure you only do 2 cups, but I didn't know how to measure that so I just guessed.  Once you feel that you've got 2 cupsa jo in your colon, clamp the hose and set the timer to 12 minutes.  The goal is to hold the coffee in for 12-15 minutes.

So, in theory, once you're there, you're just all cool and comfortable and you can just grab a book and do some casual reading while you wait. Not me.  I brought a book with me, just in case, but I can not concentrate on reading when so much is going on.  When it enters I feel it running through me and I am too aware of what's happening inside of me.  While you're waiting, you experience all sorts of interesting sensations,   from feeling basically nothing to intense waves of lower belly nausea like you're about to have a diarrhea attack pass through you.  When that happens I breath deep and contract myself without stressing, it's a gentle hold, not a strong clench, and then it passes.  At some point, the feeling doens't pass, it grows.  Once you get to the point where you simply can't hold it without a lot of work, it's time to rise up, sit on that joyful thrown let it all go.  Ahhhhhh, my gaaawd is that a relief!  A very deep and lovely release.  Stay there for a few minutes, don't get up, because that first release may just be one several more to come.  Stay seated until you're sure you're done.

Clean yourself up really good.  I keep baby wipes next to the toilet at all times and I recommend them especially for this experience. It can be messy. The nice thing is that your shit smells like coffee.

And then you do it again. Get back on the floor. The goal is to have 2 rounds of coffee enemas that you are able to hold for 12-15 minutes each.  I held the first for 8 minutes, and the second for 10 and a half, so I technically failed.  But whatever, I'll practice and get better.  I did not get sexually aroused but I wish I had, would have made for a better story.

I've read that at some point you'll hear or feel a squirt or gush underneath your rib cage. That's your gall bladder releasing bile that will aid in the elimination of toxins.  I held my left hand on my rib cage while lying there, trying to feel it, but it never happened.  If after doing this for a week you don't feel it, they recommend that you make your coffee stronger.  Noted.

One thing I messed up on is that I've read you're supposed to boil the coffee grinds in water for 5 minutes. I just made mine in a french press because curiosity.  Next time I'll boil the grounds like they say to do and see how it changes things.

So then you finish up, wash yourself.  The whole proceedure takes around 45 minutes. Take a nice shower if you like, and go about your day, or write a blog about it and tell all your friends:)

So there you are, a blog about self administering not just any ordinary enema, but a coffee enema.  Thanks for reading,  you wierdos.  Big love!


WEIGHT 103
ENERGY Before the enema, when I was practicing yoga, I felt weak and off balance.  After the enema my energy was amazing and I felt better than I have all fast.  This makes me think that the whole letting my body deal with cleaning naturally while on a fast might not be the best idea.  There might be something to the assist after all, even if the processes don't stop on their own.  I'm going to do one of these every day till the end of this fast, that's how good I felt afterward.

JUICES

I've just got to say that this juice was exceptionally delicious and I highly recommend it.

26 oz grapefruit- 312

.5 oz beet- 3

1.5 oz bet greens- 8

2 oz spinach- 3.5

22 oz pinapple- 363

52 oz at 689 calories

8 oz tomato- 41
19 oz carrot- 223
4 oz beet- 21
3 oz beet greens- 16
11 oz cucumber- 96
2.5 oz turnip- 16
2 oz parsley- 11
4.5 oz apple- 67.5
.5 oz lemon- 3.3
.5 oz ginger- none
3 oz celery- 16

58 oz at 510 calories

Total 110 ounces at 1199 calories

Day 12 Juicy is Delicious

all the fruits on my table this morning- at least two days worth of morning juices:)

Food is pretty awesome, and by that I'm including juices.  A glass of juice can be such a simple and satisfying treat.  Have you ever just grapped a jug of orange juice out of the fridge and guzzled the cool sweet treat as though you hadn't drank in weeks?  Perhaps you did one morning after a night when you drank enough of something else for weeks?  Anyway, juice is yummy food, and it's a total delight to own a juicer and to be able to make so many fresh juices.

It really matters that we like our food, whether it be juiced or solid.  And I've realized that I've done very little sharing about the flavors of the juice I'm making.  A lot of it might seem downright disgusting if you're not familiar with juicing, (like brussel sprouts in a juice-sounds gross to me anyway) so I'm going to try and share a little bit here.

Years and years ago, you could hardly pay me to drink any juice other than the fruit juices I was familiar with.  I knew I liked fresh oj better than that in a bottle, and not from concentrate plz, but that was about as exotic as I was willing to get.  And then one day I was in a juice bar in Ann Arbor, and a friend convinced me (she had to convince me) to try an apple, carrot, celery juice.  I remember tasting it with hesitation, and not feeling too happy about the flavors in my mouth.  I don't think I even finished that drink, and I felt kind of inadequate next to my friend who was happily slurping hers down.

It wasn't until a few years later that I was living in Austin and getting ridiculously healthy that I decided to try fresh vegetable juices again. I started slowly, with simple combinations like carrot apple, carrot apple beet, carrot apple beet parsley, and on it went.  I developed a taste for these juices pretty quickly. I also found a few that I hate with no remorse.  I love asparagus, but put it through a juicer and it's  rank.  Cabbage- I tried a cabbage apple juice once for the skin and I had to plug my nose.  I couldn't get it down, and gave up.

But now I've developed quite a palette for juices of all kinds.  I can handle cabbage in my juice now, (but not asparagus, never asparagus) it just has to be in combination with things that I already know I like.  I can start with a small bit to see what the taste is like, and then add more next time to experiment with determining what amount is acceptable, and what flavors combine well together.  For instance, grapefruit and mango are both delicious juices, but maybe not the best combination.  I have used that combination a few times on this fast, and I'm doing so more for the calories than for the flavor- I wouln't recommend that one.  However, spinach and pinapple is soooo yummy, you'd never guess how sweet spinach tastes when it's juiced.

So, in short, I'm just trying to say that while these juices are kind of entering and leaving me quickly, it is important that they are enjoyed, and I am enjoying them.  When I am not fasting I make these juices and share them with friends.  A friend of mine tasted my juice this evening, and he said it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, but that he couldn't see himself drinking a lot of it.  And I think that's how you start.

The next frontier for me is garlic.  Juiced garlic.  I've heard that juiced garlic is a very aquired taste, and by that I mean it makes a lot of people want to barf.  I'm still holding myself back on that one.  Maybe one of these days.....

Weight: dunno
Energy:  really high and feeling good

JUICES

15 oz grape- 300
12 oz cucumber- 105
8 oz apple- 120
ginger

35 oz at 525 calories

1 oz lemon- none
2 oz beet- 11
9 oz pinapple- 148
12 oz carrot- 141
ginger

24 oz at 300 calories

1 oz spinach- 2
4 oz papaya- 70
27 oz carrot- 317
ginger

32 oz at 389 calories

Total:  91 ounces at 1214 calories

Day 11 Officially Underweight

I had to work literally all day.  I knew I was leaving the house at 11 and not returning till 10, and that I wouldn't have any time at all to even buy a juice if I was able to find a juice stand, so I made a whole bunch and took it with me, like I used to do when I worked in an office.  I also knew I'd be moving all day and burning calories, so I made a lot.

The day was interesting because I found another scale to wiegh myself on, this one measured BMI as well. This scale told me I weighed 107 and that my BMI was 18.  I thought, oh, that's cool, it's still normal.  When I got home I looked it up and 18 is the very top end of under weight. So then I looked up all the bad things that can happen to people who are under weight.  It turns out they can die more easily than those who are normal wieght, and can suffer all of the very worst things in the world more frequently.  And so then I thought about how badly I want to eat all of the food I run across.  And I tried to unwind what that all means.

For instance, am I taking the information about health hazards of under weight women (which is totally geared toward those with eating disorders) and combining that with my continued desire to eat a bologne sandwich on wonderbread with mayo and iceberg lettuce and creating a 'rational' reason to quit this fast?  Or is it natural to have a deep desire to eat since I havn't in so long and that this is one of the challenges with a fast- a challenge of the will, that I am trying to find a way to escape?

I've probably been under weight before, I can fluxute up and down about 10 lbs.  I have found that when I'm happy and healthy, I'm a little heavier, when I'm depressed or maniacally busy I can tend to lose it do to loss of appetite or just not taking the time to eat.  But this is sort of conscious and self imposed at this point.  I looked up high calorie juices, and all I could find was information about the juices to avoid if you're trying to lose weight.  It seems like that could help, but it really didn't, it mentioned orange and grapefruit, all the high in sugar fruit juices- juices I don't want to drink more of.

I spoke with my yoga teacher today, and told her what's been going through my head.  She said it was great that I was asking questions and that sometimes the battle is ultimatly not with will but with ego.  That perhaps my ego is going to try and make me meet this arbitrary goal of 30 days just so that it can win, and regardless of the goals behind the goal.  Or that maybe there is something deep inside that I'm asking and unearthing that question may happen at any time, it may not take 30 days.  I think she was trying to give me an out.  Anyway, speaking with her was good.  I made it through the day and I'm still going strong.  Besides getting really loopy at night, I'm good:)  Juices below the pic

all my juice for the day getting a little moment of enlightenment

JUICES

31 oz Grapefruit- 372
20 oz Orange- 280
12 oz strawberry- 106
6 oz mango- 96

69 oz at 854 calories

2 oz kale- 9
4 oz beet greens- 20
2 oz beets- 11
4 oz papaya-70.5
12 oz carrots- 141
8 oz sweet potato- 94
6 oz cucumber- 53
12 oz pear- 180
8 oz apple- 120
4 oz celery- none?

62 oz at 698 calories

Total: 131 oz at 1552 calories

Day 10 Juicing is Expensive.... I Think

In all of history, my last day of fasting was day 10.  In fact, if this were last year, I'd be carefully choosing my first meal to break the fast. The theory is that after no food for so long the digestive system is extremely sensitive and you must reintroduce food lightly, starting with a couple of oranges on the fist day, working up to a salad on the second day, and proceed to cooked food slowly so that you don't shock your system.  And then I'd think, fuck that, I want a chicken pot pie bitch,  and I'd go to the Woodlands and eat that shit up with no hesitation or guilt.  (mmmm, they so gooood!)  And I would feel full but I would be fine.

But this time, day 10 is only one third of the way there.  No chicken pot pie for me bitch.  It's ok.  I'm fine, everything is JUST. FINE. And so to celebrate and to attempt to talk myself out of this 30 day commitment, I decided it would be a good time to do some math because everyone loves math.  Math about what I've consumed and what I've spent.

So- in 10 days I've spent $146.23 on produce.  Yah, I know, that's a lot of money for 10 days.  In all honestly though, I probably spend about that much eating out, though I've never really actually done that math.   Either way, it comes out to about $15 a day for this juice fast.  Do you know how much you spend on your own food per day?  I'd be curious to know how this compares to a normal person who isn't me.

THE LIST
I've purchased so far and nearly consumed all of the following:

36 lbs grapefruit

36 lbs oranges

25 lbs carrots
9 beets and all their greens
8.45 lbs pears
6.67 lbs granny smith apples
3 lbs gala apples
3.86 lbs sweet potatos
2.78 lbs papaya
12 oz of blackberries
.51 lbs ginger
8  cucumbers
6 bunches of spinach
4 bunch kale
4 bunches parsley

4 parsnips

4 lemons

1 jalapeno
3 cantelpoes
3 mangos
2 bunches celery
2 pinapples
2 brocoli stems and heads
1 quart strawberries
1 tomato
1 jalapeno

I did have some things in my fridge when I started, so I included that stuff in this comsumption list to the best of my ability, but it isn't reflected in the 146. 20.  I still have about 1/3 of the second 18# bag of oranges and about 3/4 of the 18# bag of grapefruit, but that will go fast over the next few days.  And because my fridge was bare (I pitched the old mac and cheese with sadness) I went to the store today to stock up for the next several, but that's not included here.  I'll include that after the next 10 days and we can compare.

Oh, and more math.

Ounces and Calories: Over 10 days I consumed 899.5 Ounces of juice averaging at almost 90 ounces a day. That's 30 ounces short of my goal. Oh well? In those 10 days I've consumed 10,890 calories, averaging 1089 calories per day. To increase this it just seems like I'd be adding more fruits that are high in sugars, and that's not ideal. Let's face it, there's not much juice in the greens. Perhaps I'll do some more research on good ways to increase calorie consumption during a juice fast.

Weight: As of today I weighed 105 lbs. That means I've lost 5 lbs. Losing another 5 will probably be ok, thought I havn't dropped below 105 since highschool. Much more than that and people might start to stare and make snide comments. I was wondering if I should make some kind of limit, like if I drop below x I'll stop, but I think that may be a form of a cop out. I'll judge it by how I'm feeling and if I'm still recognizably female.

Energy: Improving, I felt nearly normal today, and maybe a little hungry. No drag, things are looking up. Smoking pot while fasting is really fun.


JUICES

Cantalope Blackberry yah! 30 oz Cantalope- 225
2 oz blackberries- 23

32 oz at 248 calories

Evening usual
3.5 oz kale- 16
3.5 oz broccoli- 16
1 oz beet-5
15 oz carrot- 176
8 oz cucumber-70
3 oz celery- 16
1 oz lemon-7
9 oz apple-135
8 oz pear-150
ginger- ?

52 Ounces at 591 calories

Total: 84 Ounces at 839 calories

Day 9 Smooth Move

This is an 'eeeeeuuuw' post.  You've been warned.

The evening after I wondered all about what I should do for my normal healthy functioning bowels, I decided to double dose myself on Smooth Move tea.  For those who do not know, Smooth Move is an herbal laxative tea.  I figured, well, if this is all about cleansing, maybe there's something stuck up way inside that needs to come out, and it couldn't hurt to give it some assistance, right?  I mean, it's natural, I'm still letting natural processes continue, I'm just helping.

I've drank the stuff before, ususally I'll drink it at night and wake up early in the morning with severe stomach cramps and run to the bathroom for a little 'splody action.  This time, there were no cramps, I just felt a little uncomfortable, walked camly to the bathroom for a little 'splody action.  That was easy.

But wait, there's more.  So then I made my juice, showered, and wandered outside to water the garden. I'm watering and standing there and then, oooh, maybe I need to go to the bathroom again. Well, it isn't an emergency, no big deal, I'll finish watering, just a couple of minutes, and then I'll go. I'm watering, noticing how the spring sprouts and bulbs popping up do very little to enlighten the look of death in the garden beds when George walks up.  George is my neighbor, the kind of neighbor anyone whould want, he looks out for our house, fixes our car, and wanders over for casual chats, just to say hello, just to be neighborly.  He's not doing so well, he's older, and the effects of a life lived hard are showing themselves one after another.  I have a special sympathy and affection for George, and I try to return the friendliness as much as possible.  He takes his time walking up to me, walking slowly with his cane, and as he approaches, this feeling like I need to go to the bathroom grows a little.

"Hi Tracey, how are you?" He says with a thick Cajun accent.

"Oh, I'm good George, just watering the garden, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing OK. Just heard some music playing down at Jo's, sounds pretty good, thought I'd go get myself some coffee, you wanna come with? get a coffee?"

At this point, I'm feeling like it *might* be an emergency.  But I clench and try to be polite about finishing this conversation.  I'm standing on the sidewalk in front of my house holding a hose and really wishing George hadn't walked up.

"Nah, thanks though George" I say casually, smiling over the painic I began to feel, acting as though there weren't 50lbs of pressure building up at my sphincter.

George doesn't walk away.  He persists.  "Well, why not?  Don't you like coffee?  Or are you all coffeed out"  And then I felt it.  Squirt.

And with that I dropped the hose and ran toward the house saying "yah George, I've had enough coffee, all coffeed out" and he just stood there with a confused look on his face as I ran through the front door and proceeded to shit my pants.  All the way to the bathroom.  Yah, that really happened.  I know.

And so after cleaning myself up I felt a sense of gratitude that I never did have a child who needed diapers changed regularly.  I thought about my sister and how cool she is for having 3 of them and dealing with a mess like that several times a day.

And that is why using enemas instead of Smooth Move tea is a good idea.  For the rest of the day everything I drank went straight through me, and I went to the bathroom after about every 10 oz of fluid, and it came out looking nearly exactly what it looked like going in, so I probably didn't even absorb any calories at all that day.

So do the next time I see George, do I apologize for running away from him like that, but it was just that I was shitting my pants?  Or do I just let him wonder what that was all about?

JUICES

Remembering Costa Rica
6 oz papaya- 106
6 oz mango- 96
26 oz orange- 364

38 oz at 566 calories

Must go grocery shopping
13 oz sweet potato-152
1 oz parsnips- 12
6 oz apple- 90
8 oz pear- 150
1 oz parsley 5
1 oz spinach- 2 oz

30 oz at 411 calories

Total 68 oz- 977 calories

Day 8. 124 Ounces, in your face!

Yes, that's right.  Finally, on day 8, I consumed 124 ounces of juice in one day.  It wasn't easy and it involved me purchasing a juice at a juice stand in the middle of the day.  But yah, I did it. Right after I let go of making it a huge priority, it happened accidentally.  Of course.  That's how things work a lot, it says a lot about grasping and what happens when we let go.  I should have let go of it right at the beginning.  (oooh, look, I'm getting all deep now)

btw- the vocal version of Marvin Gayes Sexual Healing is fantastic- it's playing right now and makes me  think sweet things.

Anyway, the juice I purchased was a big disappointment.  When you order the Apple, lemon, spinach, I think they should warn you that they're just putting enough spinach in to give the juice a light green tint.  I couldn't taste it at all.  Not much lemon either, mostly apple juice.

Overall, things are going really well and I'm feeling pretty high right now.  Mentally I'm strong, but I have noticed some serious internal questioning over why I'm doing this and if I really need to go past 10 days.  It's funny to watch your mind try to play tricks on you.  I feel like part of me just stands back and watches the other part try to come up with excuses and trick me into thinking that I could just break after 10 days, or that the left over macaroni and cheese that's rotting in the fridge (i really should pitch it) would be a good thing to eat when I finally break my fast.  I see it going on like an observer, and eventually get bored and think about something else. Physically,  I feel like I'm still dragging a little.  I've been pretty gentle with myself and my time this weekend.  I even dropped the blogging discipline for a couple of days but I'm not proud of that.  I took a really long walk around town lake with my good buddy Steve, had a great yoga practice, and went to bed early with a book.  And that's mostly what my days have been like, if you include a little work here and there.  I'm functioning at a steady slow pace, haven't been too social, just a little.  So if you're curious, that's what it feels like to fast so far.

Ooohh- That's the Way, of the World- Earth Wind and Fire   Yes.  It's so perfect!

I'll go ahead and admit it I've been putting off the enema.  But it's kind of out of curiosity more than aversion.  To be really blunt, I've just never kept shitting during a fast and this time I have.  So I'm just kind of paying attention to whats going on.  The theory is that when you stop giving your body fiber, it stops your digestive precesses and elimination slows to a halt.  This means that the little person assigned with the duty of removing your trash goes on vacation, and so you need to step in.  I mean at this point, your body has begun to eat itself, to turn inward for nourishment and it digests itself, pulling out toxins and sending them toward to door.  You need not only open that door, but stick a hose up there and get it all out, so that you don't reasorb or start feeling sick.  But this time, my sanitation officer is still busy at work.  Which is nice I suppose, but, am I doing something wrong?  I'm thinking either I've got to strain my juices more, which is a pain, or ????  Or what?  Do I let things just continue naturally?  If it aint broke don't fix it? I don't know. I'm curious because this goes against my experience and pretty much everything I have ever read.  Any experienced fasters still reading, I'd love to hear your advice.

A friend of mine stopped by tonight and we had a lovely discussion about many things. The love for enemas was one of the topics.  I'm so glad I have friends I can talk about shit with.

And so sorry for ending on that note- clear your mind, think about kittens.  two kittens.  and catnip.  two kittens, one catnip.  Juice recipes follow the picture.

These are kitties who were living in Costa Rica, at Finca Fruicion when I was there

Weight: Still haven't been around a scale, will find one tomorrow
Energy: I can do things, in my own time.  Moderate.

JUICES

Grapefruit Orange
26 oz grapefruit juice- 312
22 oz orange juice- 308
8 oz strawberry juice-71

56 oz at 691 calories

Apple, lemon, spinach
23 oz apple- at 360 calories
1oz lemon
1 piece spinach

24 oz at 360 calories

Carrot apple beat thing with brussel sprouts and sweet potato
1 oz lemon-none
4 oz sweet potato-47
6 oz beet and beet greens- 32
2 oz kale-9
11 oz carrot- 129
6 oz apple- 90
8 oz pear- 150
1 oz parsley-4
4 oz celery-21
1 oz brussel sprouts- 10
thumb of ginger
half inch of jalepeno

44 oz at 492 calories

Total: 124 oz at 1543 calories

Day 7

Nothing significant to report- energy level moderate, still haven't weighed myself and for some reason, I'm still pooping, so nothing significant to report.  Feeling good, craving macaroni and cheese.

JUICES

Cantelope, blackberry
30 oz cantelope- 225
2 oz blackberry-23

32 oz at 248 calories

Evening veggie juice
2 oz broccoli-9
1 oz parsnip-12
5 oz cucumber-44
4 oz spinach-7
15 oz carrot-176
2 oz parsley- 11
2 oz lemon-13
6 oz apple-90
6 oz pear-112
3 oz clelery-16

46 oz at 490 calories

Total 78 oz at 738 calories