Day 9 Smooth Move

This is an 'eeeeeuuuw' post.  You've been warned.

The evening after I wondered all about what I should do for my normal healthy functioning bowels, I decided to double dose myself on Smooth Move tea.  For those who do not know, Smooth Move is an herbal laxative tea.  I figured, well, if this is all about cleansing, maybe there's something stuck up way inside that needs to come out, and it couldn't hurt to give it some assistance, right?  I mean, it's natural, I'm still letting natural processes continue, I'm just helping.

I've drank the stuff before, ususally I'll drink it at night and wake up early in the morning with severe stomach cramps and run to the bathroom for a little 'splody action.  This time, there were no cramps, I just felt a little uncomfortable, walked camly to the bathroom for a little 'splody action.  That was easy.

But wait, there's more.  So then I made my juice, showered, and wandered outside to water the garden. I'm watering and standing there and then, oooh, maybe I need to go to the bathroom again. Well, it isn't an emergency, no big deal, I'll finish watering, just a couple of minutes, and then I'll go. I'm watering, noticing how the spring sprouts and bulbs popping up do very little to enlighten the look of death in the garden beds when George walks up.  George is my neighbor, the kind of neighbor anyone whould want, he looks out for our house, fixes our car, and wanders over for casual chats, just to say hello, just to be neighborly.  He's not doing so well, he's older, and the effects of a life lived hard are showing themselves one after another.  I have a special sympathy and affection for George, and I try to return the friendliness as much as possible.  He takes his time walking up to me, walking slowly with his cane, and as he approaches, this feeling like I need to go to the bathroom grows a little.

"Hi Tracey, how are you?" He says with a thick Cajun accent.

"Oh, I'm good George, just watering the garden, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing OK. Just heard some music playing down at Jo's, sounds pretty good, thought I'd go get myself some coffee, you wanna come with? get a coffee?"

At this point, I'm feeling like it *might* be an emergency.  But I clench and try to be polite about finishing this conversation.  I'm standing on the sidewalk in front of my house holding a hose and really wishing George hadn't walked up.

"Nah, thanks though George" I say casually, smiling over the painic I began to feel, acting as though there weren't 50lbs of pressure building up at my sphincter.

George doesn't walk away.  He persists.  "Well, why not?  Don't you like coffee?  Or are you all coffeed out"  And then I felt it.  Squirt.

And with that I dropped the hose and ran toward the house saying "yah George, I've had enough coffee, all coffeed out" and he just stood there with a confused look on his face as I ran through the front door and proceeded to shit my pants.  All the way to the bathroom.  Yah, that really happened.  I know.

And so after cleaning myself up I felt a sense of gratitude that I never did have a child who needed diapers changed regularly.  I thought about my sister and how cool she is for having 3 of them and dealing with a mess like that several times a day.

And that is why using enemas instead of Smooth Move tea is a good idea.  For the rest of the day everything I drank went straight through me, and I went to the bathroom after about every 10 oz of fluid, and it came out looking nearly exactly what it looked like going in, so I probably didn't even absorb any calories at all that day.

So do the next time I see George, do I apologize for running away from him like that, but it was just that I was shitting my pants?  Or do I just let him wonder what that was all about?

JUICES

Remembering Costa Rica
6 oz papaya- 106
6 oz mango- 96
26 oz orange- 364

38 oz at 566 calories

Must go grocery shopping
13 oz sweet potato-152
1 oz parsnips- 12
6 oz apple- 90
8 oz pear- 150
1 oz parsley 5
1 oz spinach- 2 oz

30 oz at 411 calories

Total 68 oz- 977 calories