Day 11 Officially Underweight

I had to work literally all day.  I knew I was leaving the house at 11 and not returning till 10, and that I wouldn't have any time at all to even buy a juice if I was able to find a juice stand, so I made a whole bunch and took it with me, like I used to do when I worked in an office.  I also knew I'd be moving all day and burning calories, so I made a lot.

The day was interesting because I found another scale to wiegh myself on, this one measured BMI as well. This scale told me I weighed 107 and that my BMI was 18.  I thought, oh, that's cool, it's still normal.  When I got home I looked it up and 18 is the very top end of under weight. So then I looked up all the bad things that can happen to people who are under weight.  It turns out they can die more easily than those who are normal wieght, and can suffer all of the very worst things in the world more frequently.  And so then I thought about how badly I want to eat all of the food I run across.  And I tried to unwind what that all means.

For instance, am I taking the information about health hazards of under weight women (which is totally geared toward those with eating disorders) and combining that with my continued desire to eat a bologne sandwich on wonderbread with mayo and iceberg lettuce and creating a 'rational' reason to quit this fast?  Or is it natural to have a deep desire to eat since I havn't in so long and that this is one of the challenges with a fast- a challenge of the will, that I am trying to find a way to escape?

I've probably been under weight before, I can fluxute up and down about 10 lbs.  I have found that when I'm happy and healthy, I'm a little heavier, when I'm depressed or maniacally busy I can tend to lose it do to loss of appetite or just not taking the time to eat.  But this is sort of conscious and self imposed at this point.  I looked up high calorie juices, and all I could find was information about the juices to avoid if you're trying to lose weight.  It seems like that could help, but it really didn't, it mentioned orange and grapefruit, all the high in sugar fruit juices- juices I don't want to drink more of.

I spoke with my yoga teacher today, and told her what's been going through my head.  She said it was great that I was asking questions and that sometimes the battle is ultimatly not with will but with ego.  That perhaps my ego is going to try and make me meet this arbitrary goal of 30 days just so that it can win, and regardless of the goals behind the goal.  Or that maybe there is something deep inside that I'm asking and unearthing that question may happen at any time, it may not take 30 days.  I think she was trying to give me an out.  Anyway, speaking with her was good.  I made it through the day and I'm still going strong.  Besides getting really loopy at night, I'm good:)  Juices below the pic

all my juice for the day getting a little moment of enlightenment

JUICES

31 oz Grapefruit- 372
20 oz Orange- 280
12 oz strawberry- 106
6 oz mango- 96

69 oz at 854 calories

2 oz kale- 9
4 oz beet greens- 20
2 oz beets- 11
4 oz papaya-70.5
12 oz carrots- 141
8 oz sweet potato- 94
6 oz cucumber- 53
12 oz pear- 180
8 oz apple- 120
4 oz celery- none?

62 oz at 698 calories

Total: 131 oz at 1552 calories